United we stand, Divided we fall.

March 2011

Ano nga bang pinaggagawa ko nung bakasyon ko? (March 5-13)

Sat - Breakfast sa Dampa with team
Sun - Antipolo and Los Banos, Laguna
Monday - Makati City
Tuesday - Batlag and Daranak Falls, Tanay
Wednesday - Trinoma
Thursday - home sweet home
Friday - Makati (My Birthday!!!)
Sat - Divisoria
Sunday - U.P.

Ang sarap ng bakasyon, sana maulit next year. di man ako nakarating ng baguio pwede na rin (ganun din ang gastos)

Sa tinagal tagal kong pagta-trabaho, ngayon lang ako nagleave ng birthday ko at ngayon lang ako nagkaron ng ganyan kahabang bakasyon. :)


Sa mga nag-greet sakin nung birthday ko, thank you!

Alden, My oc-oc bf

Today I learned from facebook that Alden, my ex boyfriend died last year. That man made my young heart cry many times before. I was only 17 when I met him. He was 8 or 9 years older.

Almost a year ago, he called asking if he can see me. I had work and I wasn't able to see him.

He thought me a lot of things. Being much older than I am, he made me promise to be wise when in comes to love.

Thank you Alden. I will never forget you for the rest of my life. May God grant you eternal peace.

Random Thoughts

1. Few days left before my 9-day-vacation!!!! wooohooo
2. May mga tao lang talagang mas madaling kalimutan kaysa pagtiyagaan at pahalagahan.
3. Miss ko na ang jollibee spaghetti.
4. Photowalk, photowalk, photowalk...
5. Baguio City!
6. Bakit Kalabaw ang ginagamit ng mga farmers sa pagsasaka?
7. Ang tula. Bow.

A is for...

Someone asked. "Anne, whats the first letter of your name stands for?"

I said - adventurous and artistic.

I forgot to say--

affectionate - because I am loving :)
appreciative - I thank the God above for all the blessings I receive, from the biggest to smallest ones.
acidic - Acid has always been my problem since my teenage years.
abnornal - uhmmm... yeah.
absurd - most of the time I do things without good reasons. Just that I want to do it.
accessible - anyone can reach out to me. (except for money hahaha)
attainable - Im no different even if I look mataray
alcoholic - I used to be.
ambitious - I have big dreams.
aspiring - an aspiring writer


hahaha!

Random Thoughts

1. "It came over me in a rush when I realized that I love you so much."

2. I canceled my VL tonight because I love my job. Hah!

3. Baguio City... Baguio City... Baguio City...

4. Wanna go to UP Oval again one of these days.

5. Why am I addicted with FB again?!

6. Been dying to watch "Tangled"

7. "Aspaltong Gubat"

8. Gusto ko na siyang i-text... nagpipigil lang ako.

9. My Greatest Temptation

10. Story writing contest result...

Addicted to this song

There's no more waiting
Holding out for love
You are my Godsend
That I have been forever dreaming of
My angel from above

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you

What is this feeling
I've never known before
That I should touch you
Swearing to surrender ever more
That's what I came here for

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in a wonderful daze
Lost in your wonderful ways

Heaven knows

When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you

Walang dahilan para ngumiti this week.

Gusto kong isigaw sa mukha nya "ANO BANG GINAWA KO SAYO PARA IWASAN MO AKO?!" hindi naman ako demanding na kaibigan. Ni hindi ko nga hiniling sa kanyang kamustahin din ako sa tuwing kinakamusta ko sya. Ganun naman siya, pag tinanong mo ng 'kamusta?' sasagot lang siya ng 'ok lang'. Ni hindi manlang magtatanong ng 'e ikaw, kamusta?' kahit manlang pabalat-bunga.

Ni hindi ko naman siya kinukulit sa text. Hindi rin ako nagla-like o nagco-comment sa posts nya sa FB! 

Ni hindi ako nagpakita na nasaktan ako nung sabihin niyang iba-iba ang level ng mga friends nya at isa lang akong acquaintance. Tang ina, acquaintance? Nagbubuhos ka ba ng sama ng loob sa isang acquaintance?

Kahit manhid sya, kahit hindi gentleman, kahit kuripot, suplado, masungit, moody, perfectionist, etc... sige pa rin ako sa pakikipagkaibigan sa kanya because I felt somehow, nag eenjoy rin naman siyang kasama ako. Nasanay akong lagi siyang nakakausap at nakakakwentuhan while eating. Tapos isang araw pag gising ko, nagbago na siya. hindi niya na ako kinakausap na parang hindi niya kakilala! as in! Daig ko pa isang stranger. Para akong invisible na hindi niya nakikita. Ang sakit kaya non!

Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, hindi ko na tinapos basahin yung book na hiniram ko sa kanya.

Nalulungkot tuloy ako ngayon at OO, NAMI MISS KO NA SIYA! SOBRA. Niyaya ko siya last week na manood ng movie or gumala this weekend, sabi niya titingnan niya. Ayoko nang ulitin itanong kung free ba siya kasi alam kong di na nya sasagutin ang text ko. Nagmumukha na akong tanga.

Tinanong ko din na siya kung galit siya, sabi niya hindi daw. Pero bakit bigla siyang nagbago?! bakit? bakit?? bakit??? Kung dati kasing cold lang siya ng Baguio ngayon Alaska na.

Sana manlang nalaman ko kung ano bang maling ginawa ko para hindi ako puzzled diba?

Kailangan ko sana siya ngayon, gusto ko ng mapapaglabasan ng sama ng loob sa mundo, makakasama kumain at makakasabay sa pagtawa habang nanonood ng movie.

Hay, kung anuman ang ginagawa niya sa mga oras na 'to. Sana happy siya.

Sa Susunod Kong Buhay

Sa Susunod Kong Buhay
(Inspired by Woody Allen)


Sa susunod kong buhay
Gusto kong mabuhay ng pabaliktad
Magsisimula ako sa pagbangon mula sa hukay...

Gigising ako sa araw-araw na nakatira
sa tahanan ng mga matatanda
Na naghihintay ng pensyon
habang unti-unting umaayos ang pakiramdam
tumitigas ang buto't bumubuti ang pangangatawan

Hanggang sa palalayasin na ako
sa sarili kong bahay
dahil lubusan na akong malakas...
Magsisimula na akong magtrabaho
Bibili ng gintong relo at magsasaya sa unang sweldo.

Magtatrabaho ako ng apat-na-pung taon
hanggang dumating ang panahon aking kabataan
kung kailan ako'y magre-retiro na
at magtatamasa ng aking pinagpaguran

Iinom, mamamasyal at makikipagsaya
lahat ng pwede ay aking susubukin
kapag ang edad ko'y mas nabawasan na
high school naman ang aking papasukin

Pagkatapos akoy mag-e elementarya
Magiging bata at sa wakas ay maglalaro na
Walang nang obligasyon
Walang nang responsibilidad

Hanggang akoy magiging sanggol na walang muwang
Paglaon ako'y mananatili sa sinapupunan
Sa loob ng siyam na buwan
--Kung saan may libre akong spa
at komportableng mahihigaan
na unti-unting luluwang sa paglipas ng mga buwan.
Hindi ba't masaya
ang mabuhay ng pabaliktad
lalo na't ang pinaka huling yugto ng buhay ko
ay udyok ng pagmamahalan?

The Untold Love Story

SHE ---

I watched how his cheeks turn from pale to red... he always fascinates me. Looking closely, I can see his skin glowing from the light of the elevator. I can smell his perfume. I feel a strong urge to touch and kiss his face. He is so cute.

He was busy searching for his ID, seems like he lost it again, which almost happens everyday.

He blushes whenever I say sweet nothings --like today when I said I missed him. We did not see each other yesterday. He just gave me a smile in return. I am such an actress, I pretended to say I miss him as if I was just saying it to a barkada or a cousin or a best bud. I said I missed him, no big deal. But deep inside, my heart is beating faster.

The door opened in the Ground floor. I didn't want to step out of the elevator but I didn't have a choice.

She is waiting outside. She called me last night to let me know that she is going back to him.

He was hers. She was his everything. But they broke up three months ago when he caught her cheating on him.

I became his confidante. I was the shoulders always willing to be leaned on. I was the ears always willing to listen. I was the companion. I was the martyr. The martyr who cares for him selflessly.

He didn't know what to do with his life when they split. He was shattered.

I was there when he got drunk and cried her name out loud in public. I was there when he didn't want to talk to anybody. I brought him to the hospital when he had gastritis. I brought food to his apartment every time he wouldn't eat a thing. I was there. Always there. I almost became a mother of a broken hearted man.

I wouldn't have the guts to do any of it in my own accord. But she is my bestfriend and she asked me to look after him while she's away, head over heels in-love with somebody else.

I want to prove the world I am a true friend that's why I took care of him and besides, he is also my friend. I never thought I will end up loving what I do for him. I later realized that broken hearts are somehow contagious.

He stepped out of the elevator first because I was quietly stuck where I was standing. He never knew his ex was there outside... waiting for us, waiting for him. She is waiting to reconcile with him. She is going to ask for forgiveness and admit that she regret everything she did.

She is going to ask him to take her back and have a new beginning.

My bestfriend hugged me as a way of thanking me for taking care of her man. I saw in his eyes that he was never prepared for the meeting and he looked away from the two of us.

I left them without saying a word. One more second of staying there would really make me cry. The thought of them going back together is hurting me so bad.

No explanations or elaborations are needed for what I feel because I should feel nothing. I don’t have the right to be hurt. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have let myself fall for him. He is not going be mine because they belong together. Yes, we became close but it is just because he had no one to turn to. That’s just it.

I arrived home, went to bed and wept. That's all I am entitled to do. I don’t blame anybody. I am happy for them both. Period.

 ***********

HE---

I could feel her eyes staring at me again. I know I am blushing, I can feel the heat of my face so I pretended searching through my pockets for my ID.

It’s been more than two months when I became close to Reese. She is the reason why I was able to recover from the misery I was in.

She is such a sweet and free spirited woman. I’m proud and lucky to be with her. I feel like a prince walking with a princess whenever we're together. I like it whenever she will hold my arm when we are about to cross the street. I like holding her elbow when riding a vehicle. I like sharing umbrella with her or even eating on the same plate with her.

I have asked myself many times why I courted her bestfriend instead of her. I wasted a year and a half with the wrong woman. It was such a mistake.

If only I knew that her bestfriend will break my heart... oh well, past is past. What's important right now is we're closer than ever and no one can take her away from me.

I feel very grateful to her. She never left my side during the times I was going through hell. I was totally devastated from the break up. She sacrificed several spa sessions and chick flick movies whenever I would ask her to come over or to drink with me in a bar when I was still in post break-up dilemma. She listens. She understands. She cares.

She brought me food on the days I didn't want to eat anything. She brought me back to life. I am now stronger, wiser, better. I wanted to ask her why she is so good to me but I was never sure how to ask it.

Such proximity like this one in the elevator weakens my knees. I want to feel her hair and embrace her. I want to put my arms around her. I want to build new dreams together with her. I see her in my future.

I am certain that I want her. I love her. I’m just not sure if she feels the same but I’m planning to tell her my feelings soon.

Maybe today is not the perfect timing. Maybe I will confess this coming weekend during the movie we are going to watch. I want it to be memorable. Few days won’t hurt us both so I am going to wait until weekend.

She said she missed me. We did not see each other yesterday. My mind is shouting I miss her too but I didn't say it out loud.

There is something different with her when we reached the ground floor of the building. Usually, she'll be stepping out of the elevator first and bug me right away where to eat or if we are going to ride the train or going to take a cab.

I wanted to ask what's wrong with her. Maybe she had a rough day at work. I stepped out of the elevator when I felt she wasn’t ready to go out. She followed, and just when I was about to speak to her, I noticed that she's looking outside the building. I followed the direction of her eyes and saw her bestfriend. My ex - the one who broke my heart. The one who was never contented of me.

I want to ask what is my ex doing here but she walked towards her and they embraced. She turned quickly without a single word and left me with the woman I didn’t want to be with.

I didn’t give my ex a chance to speak. I told her right away that I don’t want to see her or be with her anymore. Everything between us is over.

I walked hurriedly away and get in the first cab I saw. Everything that happened to us and everything she did came back and I felt nothing. I don’t feel anything for her anymore.

All that matters to me now is Reese.

***********

Reese,

                I want to start off by admitting that I miss you every time we are apart and forgive me for not saying it to you personally. I guess I am such a coward. I just didn’t really know where I stand. I don’t want to assume that whenever you tell me you miss me it means something more than being friendly. I want you to know you make my heart skip a beat every time you say you missed me and my mind is shouting I missed you too.

                I thank you for bringing me back to life. My gratitude is not enough to repay the kindness and care that you showed, I wouldn’t know where I would be right now if not because of all you’ve done for me. It would really be nice if you would take care of me for good.

                It was such a long time since I wrote a love letter that’s why my thoughts are scrambled now, yes Reese, this is a love letter and I am writing it for you.

                 I want to remind you of our movie date on Saturday. Please do come. I have something very important to say.

p.s. I don’t want to be with anybody else but you.          

               

John.