Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Strangers again.

I saw you today and realized how far apart we’ve grown. I know I should talk to you and ask you how you’re doing. And I really wish I could. But it’s just occurred to me that we’re strangers now. You don’t know me anymore, much less want to, and it’s okay that you’ve moved on. I know that everything’s different now. I’ve been staying strong. (from google)

Friday, March 18, 2011

John and Reese




SHE ---



I watched how his cheeks turn from pale to red... he always fascinates me. Looking closely, I can see his skin glowing from the light of the elevator. I can smell his perfume. I feel a strong urge to touch and kiss his face. He is so cute.



He was busy searching for his ID, seems like he lost it again, which almost happens everyday.



He blushes whenever I say sweet nothings --like today when I said I missed him. We did not see each other yesterday. He just gave me a smile in return. I am such an actress, I pretended to say I miss him as if I was just saying it to a barkada or a cousin or a best bud. I said I missed him, no big deal. But deep inside, my heart is beating faster.



The door opened in the Ground floor. I didn't want to step out of the elevator but I didn't have a choice.



She is waiting outside. She called me last night to let me know that she is going back to him.



He was hers. She was his everything. But they broke up three months ago when he caught her cheating on him.



I became his confidante. I was the shoulders always willing to be leaned on. I was the ears always willing to listen. I was the companion. I was the martyr. The martyr who cares for him selflessly.



He didn't know what to do with his life when they split. He was shattered.



I was there when he got drunk and cried her name out loud in public. I was there when he didn't want to talk to anybody. I brought him to the hospital when he had gastritis. I brought food to his apartment every time he wouldn't eat a thing. I was there. Always there. I almost became a mother of a broken hearted man.



I wouldn't have the guts to do any of it in my own accord. But she is my bestfriend and she asked me to look after him while she's away, head over heels in-love with somebody else.



I want to prove the world I am a true friend that's why I took care of him and besides, he is also my friend. I never thought I will end up loving what I do for him. I later realized that broken hearts are somehow contagious.



He stepped out of the elevator first because I was quietly stuck where I was standing. He never knew his ex was there outside... waiting for us, waiting for him. She is waiting to reconcile with him. She is going to ask for forgiveness and admit that she regret everything she did.



She is going to ask him to take her back and have a new beginning.



My bestfriend hugged me as a way of thanking me for taking care of her man. I saw in his eyes that he was never prepared for the meeting and he looked away from the two of us.



I left them without saying a word. One more second of staying there would really make me cry. The thought of them going back together is hurting me so bad.



No explanations or elaborations are needed for what I feel because I should feel nothing. I don’t have the right to be hurt. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have let myself fall for him. He is not going be mine because they belong together. Yes, we became close but it is just because he had no one to turn to. That’s just it.



I arrived home, went to bed and wept. That's all I am entitled to do. I don’t blame anybody. I am happy for them both. Period.

***********



HE---



I could feel her eyes staring at me again. I know I am blushing, I can feel the heat of my face so I pretended searching through my pockets for my ID.



It’s been more than two months when I became close to Reese. She is the reason why I was able to recover from the misery I was in.



She is such a sweet and free spirited woman. I’m proud and lucky to be with her. I feel like a prince walking with a princess whenever we're together. I like it whenever she will hold my arm when we are about to cross the street. I like holding her elbow when riding a vehicle. I like sharing umbrella with her or even eating on the same plate with her.



I have asked myself many times why I courted her bestfriend instead of her. I wasted a year and a half with the wrong woman. It was such a mistake.



If only I knew that her bestfriend will break my heart... oh well, past is past. What's important right now is we're closer than ever and no one can take her away from me.



I feel very grateful to her. She never left my side during the times I was going through hell. I was totally devastated from the break up. She sacrificed several spa sessions and chick flick movies whenever I would ask her to come over or to drink with me in a bar when I was still in post break-up dilemma. She listens. She understands. She cares.



She brought me food on the days I didn't want to eat anything. She brought me back to life. I am now stronger, wiser, better. I wanted to ask her why she is so good to me but I was never sure how to ask it.





Such proximity like this one in the elevator weakens my knees. I want to feel her hair and embrace her. I want to put my arms around her. I want to build new dreams together with her. I see her in my future.



I am certain that I want her. I love her. I’m just not sure if she feels the same but I’m planning to tell her my feelings soon.



Maybe today is not the perfect timing. Maybe I will confess this coming weekend during the movie we are going to watch. I want it to be memorable. Few days won’t hurt us both so I am going to wait until weekend.



She said she missed me. We did not see each other yesterday. My mind is shouting I miss her too but I didn't say it out loud.



There is something different with her when we reached the ground floor of the building. Usually, she'll be stepping out of the elevator first and bug me right away where to eat or if we are going to ride the train or going to take a cab.



I wanted to ask what's wrong with her. Maybe she had a rough day at work. I stepped out of the elevator when I felt she wasn’t ready to go out. She followed, and just when I was about to speak to her, I noticed that she's looking outside the building. I followed the direction of her eyes and saw her bestfriend. My ex - the one who broke my heart. The one who was never contented of me.



I want to ask what is my ex doing here but she walked towards her and they embraced. She turned quickly without a single word and left me with the woman I didn’t want to be with.



I didn’t give my ex a chance to speak. I told her right away that I don’t want to see her or be with her anymore. Everything between us is over.





I walked hurriedly away and get in the first cab I saw. Everything that happened to us and everything she did came back and I felt nothing. I don’t feel anything for her anymore.



All that matters to me now is Reese.







***********

THEM--



The next day, Reese woke up with 3 missed calls from John. It was hurtful to read his name on the screen of her phone. Reese thought maybe he was trying to call to thank her for everything… for all the days she was there for him or maybe simply just to tell her the story of their reconcilliation.



She didn’t feel like working that day and so she called to advise her TL that she’s sick (which rarely happen).



It’s already lunch time but she havent eaten anything yet. She never felt like this before, the more she tries to forget about John, the more she thinks of him, the more pain she gain. The picture of her bestfriend and John together is registering on her mind.



She remembers what her mom used to tell her when she was young and didn’t win in a singing competition – “Whenever you will fall down the only option left is to go up again.“



She started deleting John’s pictures from her desktop that she collated during the times she was his only strength. She saw his picture holding the rabbit he bought for her, their picture together eating on the same plate taken by his. Also her favorite picture of them taken by his camera phone, they were dripping wet from the rain but still having a good time under a waiting shed in Ayala.



After deleting everything, she then started grabbing and putting into a box the things around her apartment that remind her of him. His dvds, baseball cap, a couple of books, his tennis racket and many more.



She heard a knock on her door and opened it. She was dumbfounded to see it was John, still looking soooo handsome inspite of sweat. He smelled his irresistable perfume. He was holding a long stem of yellow rose and looking seriously at her.



She didn’t know what to think of or what to do and so she opened the door wide for him to come in.



Then and there he said the sweetest lines ever…



“You’re the only one I want to be with. Would you give me the honor to love you forever?”



She didn’t speak. She just went close to him and kissed his cheek.















Wednesday, March 16, 2011

March 2011

Ano nga bang pinaggagawa ko nung bakasyon ko? (March 5-13)

Sat - Breakfast sa Dampa with team
Sun - Antipolo and Los Banos, Laguna
Monday - Makati City
Tuesday - Batlag and Daranak Falls, Tanay
Wednesday - Trinoma
Thursday - home sweet home
Friday - Makati (My Birthday!!!)
Sat - Divisoria
Sunday - U.P.

Ang sarap ng bakasyon, sana maulit next year. di man ako nakarating ng baguio pwede na rin (ganun din ang gastos)

Sa tinagal tagal kong pagta-trabaho, ngayon lang ako nagleave ng birthday ko at ngayon lang ako nagkaron ng ganyan kahabang bakasyon. :)


Sa mga nag-greet sakin nung birthday ko, thank you!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Alden, My oc-oc bf

Today I learned from facebook that Alden, my ex boyfriend died last year. That man made my young heart cry many times before. I was only 17 when I met him. He was 8 or 9 years older.

Almost a year ago, he called asking if he can see me. I had work and I wasn't able to see him.

He thought me a lot of things. Being much older than I am, he made me promise to be wise when in comes to love.

Thank you Alden. I will never forget you for the rest of my life. May God grant you eternal peace.